"What about your friends ?"

Let's talk about friendship. ...

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Walter Winchell

Being a young adult you find that it is a lot harder to keep friends unlike back in high school when you were friends with everybody. Now a days having true friends are more vital to our lives than we think. Things are becoming more hectic and serious in your life and the last thing anyone needs is a "friend" who is not concerned with your well-being. 

Having a good friend starts with you being one yourself. You can't be selfish only worried about your own issues if you want someone to care about you. Be there for the people you consider friends. Make them know you love them and no it doesn't have to even me sappy lol. A simple , "you're awesome" or "thanks for being here for me" would do. Check in often and let go off all judgement's . The last thing you want to be is the judgmental friend.One thing I can say though, If you want REAL friends then you have to be open to some criticism. 

Surround yourself with great people. People that make you smile, people that make you laugh and even when you cry they are a shoulder to lean on, are  great people to surround yourself with. If you find that you aren't completely yourself around these people then they aren't your friends. Your friends should be the people before anyone else to let you know when your at you're at your best and of course at your worst.

If you fear that someone in your life isn't being a good friend don't hesitate to let them know how you feel. If they don't feel like they need to adjust somethings to make your friendship better, run far away.. no one has time for a dead friendship.

xoxokaneica

 http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_friendship.html#hiwJwWHtbQocYYdu.99 

Being Broken. </3

bro·ken heart

noun

1. used in reference to a state of extreme grief or sorrow, typically caused by the death of a loved one or the ending of a romantic relationship.

The one thing I hurt the most about is seeing someone "break" another person. To take that joy and security as if it never meant anything in the first place. Being broken isn't a death sentence, i promise. Believe it or not everyone has experienced this more than once in their lives and you're not alone. Look at  yourself and know that you are worthy. Know that you will always be beautiful, even when that person is not around anymore to tell you so. Love yourself like no ones watching. These sounds so cliche but once you start to apply it to your life and put your pride aside, your peace will come. Don't dwell on a broken heart, feel your chest and know that the Lord has chosen you to breathe another breath of life that that person could not take from you. Don't hate yourself for not moving on ,give yourself time to be yourself and to feel real emotions because if you don't do it now you will never move on. Being broken is a GROWTH process. The key word is GROW. Growing should be your only goal. Yes, you will have set backs but that is only apart of the process. Find a passion and be passionate! Love you and what you do. In this moment is when you will find joy through being broken. Faith plays a huge part of your process as well. 

Hebrews 11:111 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 

Knowing that your greater is coming without seeing it is what faith is all about. Letting go of your SELF negativity. Yes, i said self. Too many times we let ourselves think that its others bringing us down when a lot of times we are bring our own selves. Being positive and letting self know that you are a queen or king is all that matters. A broken heart doesn't compare to the amazing person you are becoming.

xoxokaneica

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+11%3A1&version=KJV

How to Date a Busy Woman.

I've come to realize in our generation women are taking to the cake as the bread winner and have no shame is saying she has her own. We have our own cars, apartments/houses, and multiple jobs; the things our grandmothers may have needed a man for we can now do for ourselves.That being said , many men can be intimidated in having a women that has a lot, in their eyes, maybe even too much going for her. Well guys here are my tip on how to date us busy women out there :).

1. Have your own- Nothing is more attractive than to see a guy TRYING to achieve greatness. As long as you are putting out an honest effort to have your own it will make us more comfortable in having you as a partner. 
2. Be understanding- We may not always be able to be where you want us to be due to our schedules but if we honestly care for you, not once will you ever feel unloved. As  busy women we appreciate the men who stick by our sides because we know its not easy.
3. Be supportive- Have our back ! come to our events, our jobs anything that is important to us. It honestly means the world and of course we would return the favor.
4. Be a partner in crime-Collaborate, Give one another ideas. Be come a team.
5. Remind her she is loved- As a woman it is hard to be strong in the world we live in. Whether its the male dominance that is discouraging us or other women discouraging, it always feels good to know that you always have someone reminding you to carry on.
6. Spend time- Don't let your girl get too busy that she forgets about the relationship. Always try to find time out of the both of your schedules to spend time with one another. Don't just do something lame like going out to dinner, do something fun.. remind yourselves why you even started dating in the first place.

Hope this helps guys <3

xoxokaneica

"A Man That Watch Another Man Never Moves"

This quote came from my grandfather that I have never met. Couple days ago when I was having "one of THEM day" I called my parents seeking comfort. They asked me what was wrong and all I can say to both was "I'm just overwhelmed". My dad of course gave me a lecture on how to not let things get to me and how on need to focus on my school work. My mother on the other hand dug a little deeper. She kinda already understood where the source of my overwhelm-ness  came from. She told me this quote "a man that watch another man never moves". She told me this is something my father's dad would always say. This quote was so significant to my life and stuck to me. My issue and I know a lot of women my age issue is  that sometimes we tend to care what others think about us way more than we should. What we don't realize is that the fact that we stress another's opinion we  give them satisfaction and takes away our energy and believe me I need all the energy I can get lol. What this quote means is that people who sit and what your every move or even have the time to watch your every move are doing absolutely nothing in their life but watching you. While you grow , they sit and watch. Them watching you should have no effect on you cause after all sometimes it feels good to have an audience ;) . Kill them with kindness and don't let them see you sweat. Let go of your fear of others opinions and hold on to your faith in God cause no weapon formed against you shall prosper <3


xoxokaneica

Being True to Yourself: PART 2
Stay Encouraged.

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

~ Unknown

Lord knows I am the queen of being stressed out especially when it comes to school ,work and my social life. Stress can easily discourage us and make us want to give up. People around you who tend to not have the same heart as you can discourage you make you feel like you aren't enough. .You may even question "why am I even doing this ? whats the point anymore?"  . STAY Encouraged. That is the biggest part of being true to yourself. If you have to be your own motivation , do so! Tell yourself it gets better because if you Pray and put your mind to it ...it does. Stay in character and know yourself. Know yourself enough to know you are so much better than the negativity around you. This isn't advice I am just telling you all, This is advice I am currently trying to live by myself. The more of yourself you put out there in the world , the more people will be negative and try to bring you down. Build something I like call a "SELF ARMY". A self army doesn't physically fight nor does it argue. A self army is the defense in your head that tells you that regardless of what she or he is saying YOU GOT THIS , you are awesome and everything you are currently doing will more than anything pay off in the end. So today, start building your army. This world is cruel and the more you do the more the world will try to bring you down  but once you build that army you will immediately fight back with self assurance and positivity . No turning back now , it is your time.

xoxokaneica

Being True to Yourself.

As women, we are sacred creatures. We are assessed by the world a lot harder than most. We have to keep ourselves to a certain standard so the world can easily differentiate us from the rest. Living a private life as a woman is the best but hardest thing to do. Reason being is because we have big hearts..we love so easy and deeply. It can be our friends or our lovers but we love so so deep. A lot of times when we are hurt we are told  who not to trust ,how to act and who not to talk to. I'm here to tell you to be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. I know for a fact holding a grudge and staying mad at a person has to be the WORST thing I could ever do. It hurts more to be upset at a person who barely even notices you're hurt, who's going on about their lives while you are stuck being upset...now what sense does that make. Once again like I said, BE HAPPY. When it comes to other women, uplifting one another should be our main priority. Being cordial and staying positive. Honestly, people try too hard now a days to stay mad when it is so easy to be happy. Love one another , forgive yourself and be true to who you really are.



xoxokaneica

Influential Women  

Okay so I've been a little M.I.A lately due to me moving into my new apartment and school starting back. Sadly I also haven't been posting my Influential Women Sunday post so to make up here's a collage and info on a couple amazing women to look up to. Stay Encourage & Motivated !



Stylist to your favorite celebs ! She styles for people like Jay-z and Diddy  and her list goes on. Her amazing style and grace is an inspiration for young black women or young women in general. Who says there's no money in fashion ... your proof is right here. 
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Our beautiful first lady ! Mrs. Michelle Obama. Our generations perfect example of grace. She doesn't just stand behind her husband, President Obama, She also stands out with her campaign to fight childhood obesity. Her modesty and grace has made her a style icon around the world. 
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Sister Rosemary Nyirumbe is a nun from Uganda who helps thousands of women who were raped , sexually assaulted or abused find shelter. In her shelter women who are mistreated can finally feel safe and eventually get back on their feet again. Nyirumbe was recently named one of Time Magazine's most influential people.
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Ertharin Cousin , originally from chicago, is the 12th executive director of the United Nations World food program. She shows ultimate ambition and strength in her fights to help end world hunger. 


xoxokaneica

Youtuber of the week !

Dephne Madyara

I recently found her amazing youtube and it's truly is a blessing. If you ever need a kick of faith her youtube is a must. This particular video had me in tears. She talked about not trusting in yourself but completely trusting in God and he'll take you from your current situation into the one you're meant to be in :). Let go of past situations so God can bring you to where you need to be or even to who you're meant to be with .She has amazing videos check her out and SUBSCRIBE !

Rape is NEVER funny.

I remember when i first seen the unconscious photos of Jada on twitter. My first thoughts were "where are her friends?" "Who are these dudes taking the picture?". What is sad in our generation, instead of questioning if she was okay and what exactly happened people instantly commented saying hurtful things and blaming the girl in the picture for her condition she was in. Not only as a female but as a person in general, i support Jada and any other women that has had to go through the horror of rape. #RAPEISNTFUNNY.

Influential women sunday

KeKe Palmer

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Not only is this twenty year old the youngest talk show host ever , she did an incredible job portraying R&B superstar Chilli in this years biopic Crazy,Sexy,Cool: The TLC Story . Keke Palmer exudes confidence and beauty giving young women a positive female figure to look up to. 

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check out more about Keke Palmer

Are you the GOOD GIRL ?
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Are you the girl who doesn't want to go to every outing ,you see the good in everyone , you have a good heart but rarely get credit for it?Being the "Good Girl" has to be one of the most difficult things in today's society to do. You tend to feel alone because you are a lot different from the girls around you ,you're afraid to say your opinions at times because you know it's what everyone least wants to hear. I'm here to say it is okay to be the good girl ! Growing up throughout middle and high school i was always the good girl out of my group of friends. I was always the one who wasn't really having sex, i wasn't aloud to go to many parties and I had a strong faith in God at a young age. .



Why is it okay to be the Good Girl ?
You have more time to learn about yourself as a woman. You learn to know what you will and won't allow for yourself... you learn self-worth a lot easier than most. Never feel intimidated ! Many girls or even guys will make you feel like you aren't cool for being a "good girl" but when things go wrong in their life they'll be running to you for advice. Take Pride in yourself ! If you have a strong faith, don't hide it for anyone , show people you love God and you may even bring them closer to him without even knowing and that's a blessing in itself. It's okay to make mistakes ! One mistake or a couple will not mess up your image don't worry ! know who you are and where you came from , understand the past will always be stuck in the past. Keep moving forward. Never give up! we all know the saying "Good girl gone bad" but if you are good girl at heart being "bad" will get old real soon , it isn't apart of your nature and that's okay girl ! You'll find love ! another saying we all know is " you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" lol and it's true you sure can't .. you don't have to sleep around to find love ... it's the girls that show substance ,standards and genuine care that gets the guy in the end ...trust me ;). last but not least HAVE FUN ! don't let trying to keep up a specific image turn you into a nun lol have fun , go out ...turn up ! it's okay because you earned it . You have kept yourself at such a high standard that going out will be nothing but fun! you'll have no drama and you can go home knowing you had a good time without compromising your values. Anything that you do will be because you wanted to, not cause you felt like you had to and people will respect you. The beauty of being a GOOD GIRL :)


xoxokaneica

influential women sunday




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photo credit

Phylicia Rashad also remembered as Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show(1984-92) is the true definition of an influential woman. This television and theater actress is also a Tony award winner and is still acting at the age of 66. Phylicia Rashad shows young women that being classy is never out of style. Recent work includes Steel Magnolias(2012) , For Colored Girls(2010) and A Raisin in the Sun (2008)

More Info on Phylicia Rashad 

what is CONFIDENCE ?

Today I volunteered at an assisted living home that my mother works at. It was a great experience to work with the elderly.Even if we only played bingo it was just a natural sense of wisdom in the room. It was amazing to look at these beautiful women and just imagine that everything I am going through now is just a sweet memory to them now. As I walked out of the facility on a natural high, the receptionist tells my mother "wow, she's very confident". I smiled, because it wasn't my clothing, my hair or any materialistic thing that caused her to notice my confidence as i was wearing just a T shirt, jeans and my hair was messed up by the fan blowing in the bingo room upstairs lol. Confidence is not a look or anything you can buy, it is simply a state of mind. It is how you think of yourself.  Looking beyond your appearance. SELF LOVE is confidence. Loving yourself regardless of your mistakes you've made in life. We were not made to be perfect people . We were made to grow and learn. Confidence is not knowing how you are going to get there but knowing where you want to be. Understand the road will not be easy but knowing it is worth it. Confidence is finding your peace and to know that absolutely no one can take it away. Confidence is talking to God and knowing a blessing is coming your way regardless of what the situation is. Confidence is SELF ACCEPTANCE. Loving every little weird aspect of yourself, smiling at what others may judge. Know that if they're judging you, it simply means they aren't confidence with themselves. Last but not least STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. That is the biggest flaw we have as young women unfortunately. Once you just look at yourself and say that  " I am irreplaceable and there is no one like me' who can tell you any different !? Confidence does not come out of compliments is come from loving , accepting and being yourself. Suddenly you will start dressing the way YOU want to, doing the thing that YOU want to do and the compliments will come naturally. Do remember compliments are not important just focus on being the best you. 

xoxokaneica