Whose going to be strong for the strong ?...

Being admired for being a strong person use to never sit right with me. At one point I hated being called "strong" because that was when I would be hurting the most. Why do you get to be weak and be comforted and I have to be the strong one ? That was something I never understood. How can I be complimented for being at my lowest?
I then realized that being strong is not a choice. Being strong is something you are prepared to already be. If you got through a low point in your life , your strength didn't not just come out of no where.. honey you were prepared.When you find yourself to be weak ..you allowed yourself to be that way even though you have all the resources in the world to be strong.
Being strong does not mean holding in your emotions. Not in the slightest.Its actually means letting out ALL of your emotions and accepting them. Accepting how you feel so you can move on from what ever is holding you back.Finding your peace and keeping it is key to remaining strong.
It isn't cute being the victim ;) be yourself and be strong.

xoxokaneica

"A Man That Watch Another Man Never Moves"

This quote came from my grandfather that I have never met. Couple days ago when I was having "one of THEM day" I called my parents seeking comfort. They asked me what was wrong and all I can say to both was "I'm just overwhelmed". My dad of course gave me a lecture on how to not let things get to me and how on need to focus on my school work. My mother on the other hand dug a little deeper. She kinda already understood where the source of my overwhelm-ness  came from. She told me this quote "a man that watch another man never moves". She told me this is something my father's dad would always say. This quote was so significant to my life and stuck to me. My issue and I know a lot of women my age issue is  that sometimes we tend to care what others think about us way more than we should. What we don't realize is that the fact that we stress another's opinion we  give them satisfaction and takes away our energy and believe me I need all the energy I can get lol. What this quote means is that people who sit and what your every move or even have the time to watch your every move are doing absolutely nothing in their life but watching you. While you grow , they sit and watch. Them watching you should have no effect on you cause after all sometimes it feels good to have an audience ;) . Kill them with kindness and don't let them see you sweat. Let go of your fear of others opinions and hold on to your faith in God cause no weapon formed against you shall prosper <3


xoxokaneica

Being True to Yourself: PART 2
Stay Encouraged.

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

~ Unknown

Lord knows I am the queen of being stressed out especially when it comes to school ,work and my social life. Stress can easily discourage us and make us want to give up. People around you who tend to not have the same heart as you can discourage you make you feel like you aren't enough. .You may even question "why am I even doing this ? whats the point anymore?"  . STAY Encouraged. That is the biggest part of being true to yourself. If you have to be your own motivation , do so! Tell yourself it gets better because if you Pray and put your mind to it ...it does. Stay in character and know yourself. Know yourself enough to know you are so much better than the negativity around you. This isn't advice I am just telling you all, This is advice I am currently trying to live by myself. The more of yourself you put out there in the world , the more people will be negative and try to bring you down. Build something I like call a "SELF ARMY". A self army doesn't physically fight nor does it argue. A self army is the defense in your head that tells you that regardless of what she or he is saying YOU GOT THIS , you are awesome and everything you are currently doing will more than anything pay off in the end. So today, start building your army. This world is cruel and the more you do the more the world will try to bring you down  but once you build that army you will immediately fight back with self assurance and positivity . No turning back now , it is your time.

xoxokaneica

Being True to Yourself.

As women, we are sacred creatures. We are assessed by the world a lot harder than most. We have to keep ourselves to a certain standard so the world can easily differentiate us from the rest. Living a private life as a woman is the best but hardest thing to do. Reason being is because we have big hearts..we love so easy and deeply. It can be our friends or our lovers but we love so so deep. A lot of times when we are hurt we are told  who not to trust ,how to act and who not to talk to. I'm here to tell you to be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. I know for a fact holding a grudge and staying mad at a person has to be the WORST thing I could ever do. It hurts more to be upset at a person who barely even notices you're hurt, who's going on about their lives while you are stuck being upset...now what sense does that make. Once again like I said, BE HAPPY. When it comes to other women, uplifting one another should be our main priority. Being cordial and staying positive. Honestly, people try too hard now a days to stay mad when it is so easy to be happy. Love one another , forgive yourself and be true to who you really are.



xoxokaneica

Influential Women  

Okay so I've been a little M.I.A lately due to me moving into my new apartment and school starting back. Sadly I also haven't been posting my Influential Women Sunday post so to make up here's a collage and info on a couple amazing women to look up to. Stay Encourage & Motivated !



Stylist to your favorite celebs ! She styles for people like Jay-z and Diddy  and her list goes on. Her amazing style and grace is an inspiration for young black women or young women in general. Who says there's no money in fashion ... your proof is right here. 
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Our beautiful first lady ! Mrs. Michelle Obama. Our generations perfect example of grace. She doesn't just stand behind her husband, President Obama, She also stands out with her campaign to fight childhood obesity. Her modesty and grace has made her a style icon around the world. 
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Sister Rosemary Nyirumbe is a nun from Uganda who helps thousands of women who were raped , sexually assaulted or abused find shelter. In her shelter women who are mistreated can finally feel safe and eventually get back on their feet again. Nyirumbe was recently named one of Time Magazine's most influential people.
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Ertharin Cousin , originally from chicago, is the 12th executive director of the United Nations World food program. She shows ultimate ambition and strength in her fights to help end world hunger. 


xoxokaneica

#SAVEOURSONS
#PRAYFORFERGUSON
#RIPMIKEBROWN


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It's 2014 ...

Dear My Fellow African American Youth,

Now is the time, today is the day to STAND UP ....but not fight . No cussing , no angry twitter/ instagram post. We must stray away from what is expected. We must continue what they fear the most, our intelligence. The people who are killing our generation are  not afraid of us and what we can do to them physically. They are afraid of us doing and being what was always intended. They are afraid of us having degrees, becoming presidents, being their doctors and lawyers ..having children with their children. The people who are killing us are afraid of our progress. Now is the time that we stay in school and we earn those positions in power so that eventually justice WILL be served. We can fight back today but that isn't going to stop another young black male or female from being gunned down tomorrow. We need to understand that it is up to us as black youth to work twice as hard to get to where we need to be so that these senseless killings will not be a factor in our future; we won't have to fear our own children to come being gunned down because they "thought" he or she had a weapon. Justice will be served but it starts with us. 

"You Cute For a DARKSKIN GIRL!"

"LIGHTSKINS Don't text back!"

The most annoying thing of our generation has to be discriminating jokes about African American skin tones. People feel as if we joke about it or the fact that we are all black that it is okay to assume a person's personality due to them being "light skin" or "dark skin". Things that are being said includes "light skin girls don't reply to text messages" or "dark skin girls have attitudes". For the record, as dark skin woman , I don't have to or always reply back to every message and I also know plenty of light skin woman who can have  attitudes as well. Don't be fooled thinking that this is a majority rules type of thing. This is an unfortunate mindset that our generation is accepting. This mindset ages back , of course, to slavery days but is now being set in the minds of young girls growing up.Young girls who are being told that they are pretty even though they have dark skin is a shame. We are teaching our young girls that they are a product of what they look like and that they are automatically judged for something that cannot be changed. Young girls are going as far as using bleaching agents just to lighten their skin so that they are what is considered "pretty". Young women are being told that they are stuck up , they are not black enough and not easy to date because they have lighter skin. This needs to stop. As BLACK women we are QUEENS and God's children. We should not be treated as any less. Our skin tone does nothing but compliment how beautiful we are. It's our natural glow that many would pay hundreds for. LOVE, EMBRACE and THANK GOD for the beautiful skin you're in.

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xoxokaneica 

The Best Years of Your Lives: A Letter to College Freshman

Nothings better than finally getting that acceptance letter. That sigh of relief because you're finally going to college. Seems like something you've waited your whole life for is finally here. After the excitement calms down a bit, you now begin to be anxious maybe even a little scared. You realize that this will be nothing like high school and mom and dad won't always be around when you need them. I'm here to tell you this is the start of the best years of your lives. College will be everything you make it , don't expect too much, go with the flow and have fun. School work should definitely come first and don't worry about being peer pressured to not do work because an "A" feels a lot better than a hangover,trust me. Here's a couple tips to how to successfully get through your first year of college.

Social Life.

As a freshman, don't strive to know the "popular" people. you'll end up looking crazy and not many people will want to be around you. Get involved!  be around positive , fun people and you just might end up being the popular one. You don't necessarily have to be at every outing or event but don't be closed in. Even if you don't know anybody, don't hesitate to go to things happening on campus. That is the perfect way to get to know people and for others to get a great impression of you. Network !

Work Ethic.

Strive to create a great work ethic. it's all about balance. Know when to study but also know when to take a break for yourself. Try to never ever make laziness apart of your daily routine. Push for greatness, graduation should always be the first thing on your mind.

Stay Humble.

Don't let the college life make you forget where you came from. Call home weekly, let those know at home if you're doing well or not. It's easy sometimes to get so caught up in your college life that you forget about your home life.

Relationships.

If you end up in a relationship the beginning of your freshman year ,like I did, lol or if you are beginning college in a relationship my biggest piece of advice is to take it slow. Understand that you both are at a new stage in your lives and  it will not be the easiest. Don't be discouraged by the up's and down's ..true love will always prevail .

Last but not least , takes these years to better know yourself.. every semester you should feel growth in yourself. Your friends may go and come , your major may change but it's all in the beauty of growing up and becoming your own form of success. 

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Influential women sunday

KeKe Palmer

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Not only is this twenty year old the youngest talk show host ever , she did an incredible job portraying R&B superstar Chilli in this years biopic Crazy,Sexy,Cool: The TLC Story . Keke Palmer exudes confidence and beauty giving young women a positive female figure to look up to. 

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check out more about Keke Palmer

Are you the GOOD GIRL ?
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Are you the girl who doesn't want to go to every outing ,you see the good in everyone , you have a good heart but rarely get credit for it?Being the "Good Girl" has to be one of the most difficult things in today's society to do. You tend to feel alone because you are a lot different from the girls around you ,you're afraid to say your opinions at times because you know it's what everyone least wants to hear. I'm here to say it is okay to be the good girl ! Growing up throughout middle and high school i was always the good girl out of my group of friends. I was always the one who wasn't really having sex, i wasn't aloud to go to many parties and I had a strong faith in God at a young age. .



Why is it okay to be the Good Girl ?
You have more time to learn about yourself as a woman. You learn to know what you will and won't allow for yourself... you learn self-worth a lot easier than most. Never feel intimidated ! Many girls or even guys will make you feel like you aren't cool for being a "good girl" but when things go wrong in their life they'll be running to you for advice. Take Pride in yourself ! If you have a strong faith, don't hide it for anyone , show people you love God and you may even bring them closer to him without even knowing and that's a blessing in itself. It's okay to make mistakes ! One mistake or a couple will not mess up your image don't worry ! know who you are and where you came from , understand the past will always be stuck in the past. Keep moving forward. Never give up! we all know the saying "Good girl gone bad" but if you are good girl at heart being "bad" will get old real soon , it isn't apart of your nature and that's okay girl ! You'll find love ! another saying we all know is " you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" lol and it's true you sure can't .. you don't have to sleep around to find love ... it's the girls that show substance ,standards and genuine care that gets the guy in the end ...trust me ;). last but not least HAVE FUN ! don't let trying to keep up a specific image turn you into a nun lol have fun , go out ...turn up ! it's okay because you earned it . You have kept yourself at such a high standard that going out will be nothing but fun! you'll have no drama and you can go home knowing you had a good time without compromising your values. Anything that you do will be because you wanted to, not cause you felt like you had to and people will respect you. The beauty of being a GOOD GIRL :)


xoxokaneica

influential women sunday




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Phylicia Rashad also remembered as Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show(1984-92) is the true definition of an influential woman. This television and theater actress is also a Tony award winner and is still acting at the age of 66. Phylicia Rashad shows young women that being classy is never out of style. Recent work includes Steel Magnolias(2012) , For Colored Girls(2010) and A Raisin in the Sun (2008)

More Info on Phylicia Rashad 

Don't Forget About Us !

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as in "us" I mean our HEALTH. Women's health is so important especially at a young age. As a child we had our parents to tell us when to go to the doctors, when to  take medicine and they monitored what we ate....no worries,right ? As we get older and our parents aren't there to tell us what to do anymore. It's now up to us to keep our bodies as healthy as possible. Even though we may all have very busy lives, dealing with school, work,family and even children , let's not forget about how important our health is :)

TIPs

1. Drink loads of water a day. Water helps keep our skin clear, our hair healthy, hydrates our bodies and is good for vaginal health.
2. Cleanse daily. Cleaning your body daily will help and prevent infections and disease. This also promotes a healthy body odor.
3. Be selfish with your body! This means don't let just anyone on or in your bodies (ill get more specific below)
4. Be sure to clean all makeup of before going to bed to avoid pimples and skin discoloration 
5. Eat healthy, avoiding foods with excess salt and sugar can prevent diseases like diabetes as well as high blood pressure.
6. Check your status. This goes along with number 3! This is so important. Get yourself tested, don't wait for someone to tell you that they may have "something". If you are active sexually there is no reason you should not know your sexually transmitted disease status with in the last six months, regardless of who your partner is and how many partners you have!
7. Checks up ! Make sure to see your doctor for feminine need (paps-mere, breast check etc.) 1-2 times a year.
8. Exercise ! whether you do it a little or a lot it is great to maintain great health :)

Don't forget about your health ladies !

xoxokaneica

ForBrownGirls: Rest in Peace Karyn Washington


It has taken me a while to be able to make this post because it still upsets me till this day. If you have not heard the story already, Karyn Washington was a young activist for young brown skin girls. She started a youtube channel about two years ago trying to bring awareness to skin tone discrimination and her sole purpose was to uplift fellow brown skin women. Karyn has recently committed suicide. Her death shocked supporters all over the country who could not understand someone who seemed so strong could take their own life. This particular story has also affected me personally. As a brown skin girl, two years ago when forbrowngirls youtube channel subscribed to me I was very interested in the movement. I was a high school junior who was having a hard time being confident and was going through a mild depression. Forbrowngirls youtube channel had a slow start , it was only me and a few other who actually watched Karyn and her cousin's videos and actually put in input. I remember they would always ask for suggestions and i emailed Karyn about maybe making a video or blog post about dark skin women and makeup. Karyn replied thanking me for the suggestion and weeks later their was a post on tumblr about Dark skin makeup. I was so impressed by how all of a sudden forbrowngirls became a movement. To know I was one of the first to see the movement start was amazing. Forbrowngirls helped to build a confidence in me that I never had towards my skintone. It felt good to know there was others out there like me who had a darker skin tone and no longer wanted to be judged for it. Two years later, I am such a different person than I was. I am no longer depressed and I am in love with my skin and not a soul could tell me different lol. I knew eventually I wanted to turn this confidence into a movement as well just as Karyn did with forbrowngirls. One day I came up with the idea of collaborating with her, maybe adding to the forbrowngirls brand since it inspired me so much. About a week later she committed suicide before I could contact her. This sadden me greatly because to know I was someone who went through depression ,It hurt to know that someone I had admired so much for her work may have been going through it too. This blog ,xoxokaneica, was created to live on what she started. I want to continue to uplift brown women, women in general, through my post. Karyn Washington will always be remembered by me . RIP.

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xoxokaneica

YOUTUBE spotlight of the week !

AyanaJacole 

This pretty girl is new to youtube and has an amazing lippie review ! Check her out ! don't forget to subscribe !

Pretty in PURPLE ?

Purple lipstick has to be my new obsession and today's latest lipstick trend. More and more makeup brands are coming out with amazing purple hues that is every skin tone friendly. Here just a couple purple lipsticks that I have in my possession and reviews and swatches just for you all !

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Heroine by MAC $16.00
My favoriteeee lipstick and the perfect matte purple. Even though it is matte is have a very creamy application. A $16.00 purchase you will not regret. The perfect purple !


5112 by Black Radiance $1-$2
This a bright red undertone purple. This is a very pretty purple and has a creamy application only thing I dislike is the packaging :(. The packaging tends to scrap the lipstick causing the lipstick to look messy. But still a very pretty purple and the lasting power is amazing for it just being a $1 lipstick.

Fine Wine by Cover Girl $5-$6
This has been my go to lately even tho this is a dark lipstick , it is very complimenting on darker skin tones and give you a sexy , edgy look ;). application is smooth and lasting power is great !

Lavender Tint by Nicka K cosmetics $1
This is such a pretty bright color. Bright pale purple.  It may be a little bright for some skin tones but that can be easily fixed by a darker brown lip liner. This dollar lipstick is very pigmented ,lasting power is that great but it is very moisturizing 

Plum Orchid 5117 by Black Radiance $1-$2
My latest pick up and my newest love <3 . This creamy purple is a little deeper than heroine and is the perfect go to purple for any skin tone. Once again i cant stand the black radiance lipstick packaging but this purple is perfection

Vamp it Up by Wet n Wild $1.99
The deepest purple that I have . It can look very harsh if worn in the daytime but it can look very edgy as apart of a night time look . I normally use it to line my lighter purples but if you are looking for a dupe to MAC's cyber lipstick this is perfect. Application is kinda hard , this is a very matte lipstick.

Jumbo Gloss Balm in 260 by Cover Girl $5-6
This is a very sheer glossy purple for my girls who aren't really into lipsticks. This a really easy going lip choice. Very pretty!







SWATCHES !!

(starting from top left): plum orchid,lavender tint,cover girl jumbo stick in 260,fine wine, black radiance 5112, heroine,vamp it up 



Be Bold !

xoxokaneica

what is CONFIDENCE ?

Today I volunteered at an assisted living home that my mother works at. It was a great experience to work with the elderly.Even if we only played bingo it was just a natural sense of wisdom in the room. It was amazing to look at these beautiful women and just imagine that everything I am going through now is just a sweet memory to them now. As I walked out of the facility on a natural high, the receptionist tells my mother "wow, she's very confident". I smiled, because it wasn't my clothing, my hair or any materialistic thing that caused her to notice my confidence as i was wearing just a T shirt, jeans and my hair was messed up by the fan blowing in the bingo room upstairs lol. Confidence is not a look or anything you can buy, it is simply a state of mind. It is how you think of yourself.  Looking beyond your appearance. SELF LOVE is confidence. Loving yourself regardless of your mistakes you've made in life. We were not made to be perfect people . We were made to grow and learn. Confidence is not knowing how you are going to get there but knowing where you want to be. Understand the road will not be easy but knowing it is worth it. Confidence is finding your peace and to know that absolutely no one can take it away. Confidence is talking to God and knowing a blessing is coming your way regardless of what the situation is. Confidence is SELF ACCEPTANCE. Loving every little weird aspect of yourself, smiling at what others may judge. Know that if they're judging you, it simply means they aren't confidence with themselves. Last but not least STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. That is the biggest flaw we have as young women unfortunately. Once you just look at yourself and say that  " I am irreplaceable and there is no one like me' who can tell you any different !? Confidence does not come out of compliments is come from loving , accepting and being yourself. Suddenly you will start dressing the way YOU want to, doing the thing that YOU want to do and the compliments will come naturally. Do remember compliments are not important just focus on being the best you. 

xoxokaneica

Forget #TeamNatural or #TeamRelaxed ! Here are my tips for #TeamHEALTHYhair 


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                                                                                                                                                                    So what exactly is Natural and Relaxed hair ?

Relaxed hair is the chemical processing of your hair using a cream that makes your hair permanently straight. Many Black women relaxed their hair so that their hair is a lot more manageable and it is also more accepted as a professional hair style for Black women.

Natural hair is your hair in it natural state and texture. No chemicals are used to stimulate the texture of your hair. African American women's typical natural state of hair can be described as"course" or kinky. In the past few year it has been a huge trend for Black women to get back to their roots , their natural hair roots that is and go natural. Many women have cut their hair short cutting off all relaxed ends . This process is called "The Big Chop". Women are also doing something called" transitioning" which means they are choosing to grow there hair out without cutting and relaxing their hair in hopes of eventually being fully natural.
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The Controversy      

With the going natural trend on a rise. There is now a strong natural hair community. Not all, but some of the natural hair community has been known to bash women who are still relaxed saying that they are ashamed of their roots . Women who are still relaxed are also known to bash women who have gone natural claiming that they look "nappy".

My Thoughts        

I am currently 4 months post relaxer and am on a healthy hair journey. I am not opposed to relaxers nor do I think Black women need relaxers. As black women, the fact that our hair is so versatile is a blessing. Being relaxed or natural I feel is purely a preference. Instead of bashing one another lets focus on how we can ALL achieve healthy hair  :)

TIPS !

1. MOISTURE- every hair type (relaxed or natural) requires moisture. Moisture helps our hair to feel and look healthy. Moisture is also important for hair growth. Don't forget to moisturize ! Examples of moisturizers are Hair lotion, leave-in conditioners, curl defining creams etc

My favorite hair moisturizer: Cantu Shea Butter leave-in conditioner 

2. Drink PLENTY of water. Water hydrates your body and aides in all around health including Hair Health.

3. Cover your hair nightly with a silk or satin scarf and or cap. This will help preserve hair and especially edges.

3.Read the ingredients of every product used in your hair. Make sure the ingredients are hair loving for example- natural oils (coconut,jojoba,olive,grape seed,almond) instead of things that can weight down and dry out hair such as mineral oil and alcohols.

4. Regardless if you are natural or relaxed heat should be kept to a minimum. Heat is VERY damaging to the hair. Try using tools such as flexi rods that can give you beautiful curl without one ounce of heat and if heat is a must never use it without a great heat protector spray!

5. A natural oil. This is a very amazing product to use on our hair. My natural oil of choice is raw coconut oil sent from my family in Jamaica. Natural oils can be found in your local grocery store as well as some beauty supply stores.Our hair works amazingly with natural oils it's kinda hard for me to explain but using a light natural oil influences growth, moisture and repair to your hair. I LOVE IT .

6.Deer Conditioning- Deep conditioning once a week is great to maintain healthy and strong hair

Hair Vitamins

Hair vitamins such as Biotin and famous brands such as "Hairinfinity" are used to enhance hair growth. With using these be cautious, not everyone's the same. You may not get the same results as well as you body may react differently from the next person. However , these are great and help so much with healthy hair growth. When using these plenty of water is a MUST.

Conclusion  

My biggest tip is to HAVE PATIENCE cause our hair is beautiful and it does grow ! :) 

xoxokaneica

                                                                

Dark Skinned women wearing bright COLORED lipsticks

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Lately this has been an issue. Dark skin and bright makeup. Due to it not being apart of the "norm" some are uncomfortable with dark skin women wearing bright colored makeup. To my fellow beautiful women of darker skin , who cares if anyone's uncomfortable! It is a new day and age and there is nothing wrong with bright makeup on your beautiful dark hue. Don't be afraid to join the trend !


                                                         
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As dark skin women we have to know learn although we are never limited to any makeup even regardless of what society feels , there is also a right and wrong way to wear bright hues .Make sure even though it is bright make sure it is complementing. Don't wear a color that takes away from your natural beauty. It should only ENHANCE ;)

As you can see, this very bright pink that i have on is quite unflattering. The best way to wear bright pinks like this is to have a dark brown lip liner. Using a dark brown lip liner around a bright lip stick will tone it down to be wearable and flattering to your skin tone. Don't make this mistake ladies, lets defeat the odds but lets do it the right way :).

Flattering BRIGHT colors dark skin

"Heroine" by MAC - a vibrant purple matte lipstick, my absolute favorite MAC lipstick ($16.00)
"Magenta" by MAC- a bright deep pink liner that is both flattering to our skin but none the less stands out ($16.00)
"Think Pink" by Wet n Wild-This is actually the color I am wearing in the pictures above but with a simple brown liner ,its the perfect pink.($1.99)
"Lavender Tint"by Nicka K cosmetics- a light lilac purple that can stand on it own but is even better with a brown liner or a darker purple around it.($1.00)
"Bejeweled" by Revlon-A bright nude pink lip gloss another one of my favorites! ($6.00)

Swatches

Me in Heroine ❤

xoxokaneica

Youtube videos on Bright lips !

Hey guys ! My name is Kaneica Gray. I am a 19 year old college student. I currently attend Columbus State university as a Marketing major. I am a lover of life,food,makeup,shopping and music. I have a strong faith in God and the life he has blessed me with. The purpose of this blog is for pure inspiration and entertainment. I will highlight on my views on things going on in our culture , advice , beauty and fashion. As young women i want us to strive and connect in a positive way. This is a positive blog yall , that negative mess is for the birds lol. STAY TUNED ! :)